You and me and our boys
by SkaterSince2004
Summary: Spoilers for Season 6 Finale! AU Season 7 focused on Jax (and Tara)!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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Author's Note: This is an AU idea I came up with and it's basically me rewriting Season 7 of Sons of Anarchy, with the main focus on Jax (and not the club)! I know it's short, but this is just an intro chapter, to see if anyone is even interested in this kind of story. So review if you like it and want me to continue. Thanks.

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The pain was unbearable. It was more than he could take.

Jax has had his share of pain. He'd been in more fights than he could count over the years. He's been shot at, he's been beaten, he's been stabbed multiple times. He's lost people he'd loved. His father John and his younger brother Thomas. He had lost his other brothers too; he'd lost Ope.

And when Opie died, he wasn't sure how he would ever recover from that. The pain had nearly crippled him, but everyone was looking to him for answers and he knew he had to go on one way or another, or more people would die.

But now ... now that he was holding the lifeless bloody body of the only woman he'd ever truly loved in his arms, the emotional pain was so real, that it manifested into physical pain and all he could do was cry and scream in agony to bring voice to the excruciating torture he was feeling inside.

Images of her flashed through his mind. Beautiful images of their life together, from their childhood until now, and it seemed to fuel the pain like kerosene to fire, knowing that this was the end of it all.

He'd never hear her say his name again. Or kiss him or hold him. Confide in him. Never again would she smile that beautiful smile that could melt his heart. Never again would she share her dreams of a future together. She would not be there to see their boys grow into young men. She would not be there to grow old herself.

Never again, would there be a them. Jax and Tara ... never again!

Her being was so intertwined into his, he simply couldn't imagine how this story would end without her in it. Every moment of true happiness he'd ever felt, they were all linked to her. With her was when he truly felt like a man. A husband and a father. With her is when he let himself be vulnerable, because she wouldn't see it as weakness but strength instead.

She was everything to him. She was the key to his hope and happiness.

Now all of that was gone. There was no happily ever after. No saving grace. With Tara gone, there was nothing left.

Jax vaguely registered the arrival of District Attorney Patterson and her goons.

He heard his own name being spoken but it sounded like a far away echo to him. He was in a daze, hoping it was just a bad dream that he would awake from any moment now, as the tears still streamed down his face.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and Jax stiffened under the touch as he looked up and seemed to recognize the man as one of the ATF Agents that accompanied the D.A. on prior occasions.

As if in slow motion, he witnesses the man reach for Tara's neck, obviously looking for a pulse and Jax finds himself paralyzed by the pain and unable to stop the man from doing so.

For a split second, Jax closed his eyes and took in a breath. He knows he's about to hear the unthinkable confirmed out loud.

_Tara Knowles-Teller is dead. _

Like a statistic, just another fucking name and check mark on a clipboard at the morgue.

It's a matter of seconds. It's all happening so fast and Jax opened his eyes, bracing himself for the words that he knows will haunt him for the rest of his miserable life.

"She's got a pulse!"


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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Author's Note: Wow, I'm just blown away by the response I've gotten for that very short intro and I'm excited to see that so many of you liked my idea. I haven't read all of the Jax/Tara fanfics on this site, so I wasn't sure if something like this already existed. Thanks to all of you for your nice reviews!

In response to reviewer HGRHfan35 I want to say that: Yes, I do have a thought out plan where I want to take this story. I obviously have not mapped out every tidbit of every chapter yet, but a general outline is definitely there, and I have no intentions to venture much from that path. Hope that answers your question and thank you for your review.

I have to say that it was much, much harder to write Jax then I had anticipated. I came to find it incredibly hard to get his characteristics across on paper, so I'm open to suggestions if you have any. Since I'm new to writing him, please take pity on me. It will definitely take me a few more chapters before I 'warmed up' to writing him and some of the other characters as well. Thanks for that!

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Jax was pacing around the small cell like a caged animal. Running his hands through his hair every so often, and rubbing his eyes when they began to water up once more at the thought of her covered in blood on their kitchen floor.

The tiniest noise outside of the holding cell area would catch his attention. He'd stare at the door, hoping that someone would finally step through and tell him what the hell was going on. But it didn't really surprise him that nobody here was telling him anything, because right now, at this moment, he was their number one suspect in the murder of Sheriff Eli Roosevelt.

It had been hours since the ambulance had arrived at his house and within minutes she was taken away from him. He could still hear the sirens blaring through the streets of Charming when they rushed her away and possibly out of his life forever.

It was still surreal to him what had happened. He tried to wrack his brain about who could've done that to her. The scene had been so bloody, it had to have been gang related. Nothing else made sense to him.

But as much as he'd wanted to find the people responsible for this, his mind simply wouldn't stay on task. He couldn't stop thinking about her and whether or not she was still alive. Whether or not Abel and Thomas would still have a mother.

Just then the door opened and officer Candy Eglee stepped inside, quietly closing the door behind her.

Jax rushed to the bars, and tried to read the expression on the face of the woman before him.

Candy was a friend to the club, always had been. She was born and raised in Charming just like him. Ope, Tara, Candy and him had gone to school together. And right now he was thankful for that fact more than he'd ever been before, because she was the only person in this station that would talk to him at the moment.

"Tell me." He begged, his eyes red rimmed and tired as he clutched the metal bars with all his might.

"She's alive." Candy stated with a quiet voice.

_She's alive!_

Jax released the breath he had been holding and took a step back. Stumbling backwards into the cot behind him. He hid his face in his hands when the tears started falling once more. Wiping at his face, he turned his attention back to Candy. Her expression was anything other than hopeful.

_What did she know?_

"Is she awake? Did she say who did this to her?" He tried to understand.

"I'm sorry." She said and she turned her face away from him, trying to compose herself. "I don't have all the details, but ... she's in a coma, Jax, and ... they're saying it doesn't look good."

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Ten days later

Jax sat tightlipped across District Attorney Patterson and listened to her explain that she had no leads concerning Tara's assault. "The evidence has been processed, all the lab work's back and other then the obvious facts, the results gave us nothing. We've talked to family, friends and neighbors, the MC, except Ortiz, he seems to be MIA, and no one can shed any light on who or why Tara was attacked."

It didn't surprise Jax the least that nobody was talking to the police. It was their code after all. This attack on a family member of the club would be handled the same way as any other attack in the past; with retaliation! Revenge! Him and the club would find out who was responsible for this and they would be paying with their life!

As if she could read his mind, she added, " I understand the pain you're in, son, the reason for your silence ... I lost a son. And a nephew. To gang violence. I didn't want any one arrested, I wanted them dead. Heartless cold bullets to the back of the head, just the way they killed my boy. That's a natural reaction. The desire for revenge. It's a part of grieving. The difference is in my world I knew that those violent desires would never become real. In yours, it's a very likely outcome."

Jax remained silent, he understood what she was trying to do, but the rage he felt for whoever did this to his wife overpowered any logic at the moment.

Tyne Patterson knew that with Tara Knowles-Teller in a coma, the deal she'd struck with them just ten days ago was off the table. She could no longer hold Tara's possible prosecution over Jackson Teller's head. At least not now . "We couldn't tie you to either murder. Parole violation, the gun, it wasn't fired, it was in the house. We're gonna let you go. Your mother is here to see you, she can take you home."

Tyne Patterson stood up and gathered her files on the table, before she turned her attention back to Jax again. Almost bashful, she confessed, "I've been doing this for over twenty years and until today I have never said a word about my personal life to someone on the other side of this table."

It took Jax by surprise and his curiosity caused him to speak up for the first time, "So why me?"

_Why me?_

"Because I needed help to connect with the man who did the right thing ten days ago. Who knows the importance of family. And that more violence will only destroy what's left of his."

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Jax quietly pushed the door open and stepped wordlessly inside the hospital room. He vaguely took notice of the nurse that was standing beside her bed, who was taking notes on a clipboard before she left the room.

He froze for a long moment at the sight of her. She looked so vulnerable, he thought. Her head was bandaged up, she had a breathing tube down her throat and all sorts of cables and wires attached to her with machines peeping away in the background.

He quietly stepped closer to her. She was alive.

His eyes scanned the machines beside her bed. Those machines might be the ones breathing for her right now, but she was still here.

_She was alive!_

He leaned forward, bending over her and placed a small gentle kiss against her forehead, brushing his own hair back again as he stood. He wanted to do more, wanted to touch her so badly. Wanted to scoop her up, wrap her up in his arms, hold her close enough to hear her heartbeat against him and never let her go.

But he did neither of those things. Instead he sat down on the side of her bed and reached for her hand. With his eyes trained on her face, he desperately hoped for any reaction when he touched her, but there was none. Her hand seemed so small in comparison to his own. It still felt like her hand, it felt like her and if he closed his eyes he could pretend for just a moment that she was simply sleeping, nothing more.

"I'm so sorry, babe. I'm so so sorry." He said, his voice barely above a whisper.

He stared at her, unable to take his eyes off of her. When they'd rushed her into the ambulance and closed the doors, he'd wondered if it would be the last time he'd ever see her alive. So now he simply sat and drank up the image of her, as painful at the image might be, he'd cherish it and not take it for granted ever again.

Memories of their childhood and teenage romance flooded his mind. Back then they'd thought that life had dealt them bad cards, but hindsight was 20/20 and he'd give anything ... anything to go back and do things right, do things over! Anything from preventing this and everything else Tara has had to endure because of her association with him and the club. Her words playing on repeat in his mind.

_I sacrificed everything for you!_

Jax didn't know how much time had passed while he sat there by her side, but he knew that it was time for him to go so he could begin to set his plan in motion.

"I know I made countless promises to you ... and I didn't keep 'em." He could feel his eyes well up with fresh tears once again as he was yet to make another promise to Tara. "I failed you. I failed our boys. I failed us, and I promise you that I'm going to fix that." He raised her hand up to his lips and kissed it gently. "I'll make you proud. I promise."

He wiped the tears from his face and quickly stood. "I love you, Tara!" He said as he leaned over her once more and placed one last kiss to her forehead, before he turned around and left the room without looking back.

He had a plan. And there was nothing that would stop him this time from following through on it. He would do this for Tara. He'd finish what she had intended to do. He'd save their boys!

When Jax left the room, he turned his attention to rat boy, who he'd ordered to stand guard. "You don't let anyone in, do you hear me. No one gets near her unless they're working in this hospital and have a fucking ID to prove so. You got that?"

If Tara woke up, she could potentially identify her attacker, which meant there was a high possibility that the person would come back to finish the job. And he wouldn't let that happen! So finding the man who did this wasn't just about revenge, it was a necessity to ensure she'd be unharmed from here on out.

XX

Gemma sat in the small chapel, alone and in complete silence. The unwavering look of devastation in Jax's eyes was more than she could take. Every time she looked at him, every time she looked at Abel or Thomas, the guilt began to eat her up inside and she feared that it was written all over her face. It was oozing out of her like pus out of an infected wound.

She'd tried her best to pull herself together. Conceal her guilt for grief. She simply had to. For self-preservation, and for Abel and Thomas, but it was incredibly hard to keep the guilt from consuming her every thought.

Tara's chance of waking up was slim to none, and her chance of living as a functioning human being was even slimmer, but what if she did wake up. What if Tara woke up and Jax would find out the horrible truth. It would devastate him even more. It would rip their family apart, and she simply couldn't let that happen. She knew it was too early to suggest to him to take Tara off of life support, yet every day that passed with Tara still breathing, was another day Gemma lived in fear that the truth would be revealed and she'd lose everything that mattered to her!

Just then, the chapel doors behind her opened and Jax stepped inside. He quietly took a seat beside his mother, but his mind was clearly focused elsewhere.

Gemma broke the silence when she reached for his hand and spoke up, "Where are you at with this, Sweetheart?"

Jax slowly shook his head and swallowed the lump in his throat, "I'm not sure, mom." He wiped at his eyes once more. His face filled with anger and self hatred. "This is on me. My wife is lying in that bed, hooked up to those machines because of me, because of who I am, because of what I am. Someone hurt her, 'cause they wanted to hurt me!" He turned to look at his mother, "How ... how am I going to fix this? How can I make this right?"

Gemma framed his face and pulled him close enough to place a kiss on his cheek. "I'm not sure yet, baby, but we'll figure it out together. You're not alone. I'm always here for you, Jackson, no matter what."

"I know." Jax wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "Thank you, mom."

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Jax and Chibs embraced in the corridor by the hospital chapel. Gemma was on her way back to the boys.

The rest of the sons were all scattered around Charming, Stockton and Oakland, working on leads about Tara's assault. The club had their obvious suspicions, but without any proof and since all their effort had been fruitless this far, Jax decided to go ahead and began working towards the other part of his plan instead.

X

He knocked tentatively on the door, and waited until he heard the familiar voice invite him in before he proceeded to step inside the small office.

Margaret Murphy quickly stood from her spot behind her desk. The look in her eyes was one Jax had been familiar with over the years in this town, it was one of panic and fear. Clearly the close confidant of Tara was not yet convinced that he didn't have anything to do with the attack on his wife.

"What are you doing here, Mr. Teller?" She said with bravado in her voice that didn't match the fearful expression displayed on her face.

"I'm here to talk to you." Jax said and without waiting for Margaret to invite him to do so, he took a seat in the chair opposite hers.

"I'm not sure what I could possibly help you with." She said and with obvious reluctance, she sat back down, her eyes trained on the man in front of her.

Jax nodded at Chibs and he wordlessly disappeared out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Jax cleared his throat. "Tara and I reconciled." he started to explain, "Right before she was attacked. I struck a deal with the District Attorney. I was going to turn myself in for ... for past crimes, if they'd drop all the charges against Tara. Tara was free to go." He stopped and shook his head at the tragedy of it all. "She went home to begin packing up so she could leave this place."

Margaret nodded her understanding. She could see the anguish on Jax's face as he recited the events from that day and realized that her fears had been unfounded. But she still wasn't entirely sure why Jax was telling her all of this.

She leaned forward and folded her hands on her desk in front of her, "Why are you telling me this?"

Jax's eyes connected with hers, "Tara wanted our boys away from this. Away from this life ... my life. More than anything, she wanted a different path for them and she came so close."

"Yes." Margaret said and nodded agreeing with everything Jax had said.

"Tara confided it you. She trusted you. I'm trying ... I need to finish what she started. I need to save our boys ... for her."

She shook her head, unsure of how she fit into any of this, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm the right person for you to talk to."

Jax sat up and leaned forward, and brushed his hair back with his hands once again, "She told you everything. She told you what her plan had been. She -"

"Yes, she did." Margaret interrupted him, "But the person that can truly help you with what Tara's wishes were is not me, Mr. Teller. You'll need to talk to her lawyer, Ms. Lowen instead!"

Jax frowned. He knew that Lowen would be even less inclined to talk to him about anything Tara was concerned, but he'd always been quick to think on his feet and looked hopefully at the woman across from him. "You need to call her then, ask her to meet you here, but don't tell her about me or she's not going to show."

Margaret didn't bother to ask why that was, but instead reached for the phone on her desk and after a quick glance at a piece of paper in her desk drawer, she dialed the number and waited for the phone to ring.

X

Ally Lowen knocked on the door to Tara's old office and waited a moment before she opened the door and stepped inside. Margaret stood by the large file cabinets to the left and waved the lawyer inside.

"I've got a meeting in thirty minutes, so I can't stay long. What was it you needed to talk to me about?"

Jax appeared in the door behind her and Ally, clearly still frightened, took a few steps back. She looked fearfully from Margaret back to Jax, who was shutting the door behind him.

"What is this?" She pleaded, clearly confused.

Jax raised his hands in a surrendering gesture, "I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to talk."

She looked back and forth between Margaret and Jax before her eyes settled on him, "Rosen got reassigned to handle the club and I resigned as Tara's lawyer. There's nothing left to talk about, Jax."

"Please." Jax said and gestured to one of the chairs. "Hear me out. It's about Tara."

Ally hesitated and looked to Margaret for guidance, and after the older woman gave her an approving nod, Ally pulled a chair into position and reluctantly sat down.

She folded her hands in her lap and looked back at Jax, waiting for him to start.

Jax pulled a chair out and sat down when Margaret excused herself and left the room.

He wasn't really sure where to start, especially since Lowen was short on time, but he figured the best approach would be to fill her in on the events right before Tara had been attacked.

He needed Lowen to know that he was not behind the attack on Tara. He needed her to know that they'd made up and that Tara had been free and clear. He needed Lowen to trust him again. So he filled her in on all of it, on his plan to do right by her by getting their boys out of the life and waited for her response.

He could practically see the wheels in her head turning as she was processing everything Jax had explained to her just now, but he could see she was still reluctant towards him. And frankly he couldn't blame her. After all, he had outright threatened her.

Lost in deep thought, she suddenly looked at him and finally spoke up, "The DA is not going to prosecute a mother of two who's currently in a coma, so I'm guessing for now you're no longer turning yourself in for those KG-nines?"

He shook his head, "That's right, I'm not."

Ally nodded, but he could see the reluctance on her face to speak up.

"What?" Jax pried and searched her face for an answer.

She looked dead at him, "Is it possible ... is it possible that someone from the club -"

"No way." Jax cut her off and shook his head in disgust. "They all knew that this is what I wanted. I made the choice to take the fall so my wife can go free. None of them would-"

"What about Ortiz?" She cut him off this time. "I've heard he's missing. Would he have any reason to attack Tara?"

Jax frowned. Juice had betrayed him and had been missing since the night Tara had been attacked. The thought that he was behind this, had briefly crossed his mind, but he'd quickly dismissed it. He couldn't imagine Juice doing such a thing to Tara, but it was strange to hear somebody else mentioning him and looking at him as a possible suspect.

"He betrayed me and he knew that I had found out about it. He ran, not wanting to face the club after what he'd done, but still ... I can't picture him doing that to Tara."

"What about Gemma?" Ally questioned out loud against her better judgment.

Jax shrugged his shoulders, not understanding how Gemma fit into the picture, "What about her?"

"Tara's made it perfectly clear that she didn't want her boys around her. She didn't want Gemma in their life at all, so the fact that you were turning yourself in and Tara was about to leave town must've made her angry."

Jax stood, suddenly enraged at what the lawyer was implying. "My mother didn't do this. God knows, she's no saint, but she couldn't do something like that."

"Alright." Ally replied. "So it was retaliation?"

Jax sad back down and nodded, "Yes."

"For what?" She asked, but caught herself and raised her hand, "Never mind, don't answer that."

They both were silent for a long moment, until Ally glanced at her watch. "I have to get going soon, and quite frankly I'm not really sure how I can help you."

Jax sighed and looked back at his former lawyer, "I'm trying to figure out what Tara would want me to do. There was a distance between us after her arrest ... and I'll take the blame for that, but ... but now." He looked down at his own hands, "I know she wants the boys away from this, but I can't just pack them up and leave. I can't-"

"Leave your club." Lowen interrupted him.

But Jax surprised her when he shook his head, "No, you don't understand. When I found her lying in a pool of her own blood, I thought she was dead." Tears began to well up in his eyes as the moment replayed itself in his mind and he didn't even care that Ally Lowen was there to witness it. "This isn't about the club anymore. This is about Tara. I can't leave her!"

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Please review and let me know what you think! xoxo


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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Author's Note: Thank you so much for all your lovely and encouraging reviews and comments on this story. I hope you enjoy this chapter as well.

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It had turned out to be a very long day for Jax since he had gotten released from County Jail earlier, and it wasn't over just yet.

Finally being able to see Tara with his own eyes was a feeling he couldn't describe even if he tried. It soothed his aching soul to know and see for himself that she was alive; yet her injuries fuelled his lust to seek revenge for her even more.

After seeking advice from both Margaret Murphy and Ally Lowen, he stopped by her room once more before he left the hospital for good to show his face to the rest of the guys at Scoops. That's where Nero had suddenly appeared unannounced.

Over the last couple of months, Jax had come to know Nero Padilla, and the older man had grown into somewhat of a mentor for him, a voice of reason in the constant chaos that was part of the life.

Yet the ten days Jax had spend behind bars, he'd had plenty of time to think - maybe too much time! So when Jax had been wracking his brain, trying to figure out who could've done such a thing to Tara, Nero and his words about Karma had come back to haunt Jax more than he'd like to admit.

_'Do you believe in karma, mano? You know, something greater that's moving all the pieces around?_

_Not today._

_I do! I know it! Shit, I feel it every time I see my boy! You ever think, maybe all those bad things that are happening to the mother of your children, just maybe that's because of some heinous thing you did to another child's mother?_

_I don't know where you're going with this-_

_Please don't lie to me twice, Jax. I know what happened to Darvany, I know what you had Juice do._

_What did Juice do?_

_Killed an innocent woman, and then you looked at me in the eye and you lied to me about it. You embraced me and called me brother. You think shit like that just gets buried? Just goes away? It don't, mano. It comes back, and when it does ... it makes you pay!'_

Deep down Jax didn't want to believe that Nero and his crew had anything to do with the attack on Tara, but that last conversation with him had definitely planted a seed of doubt. The same doubt that ate at him every time he thought about Juice disappearing that same night. He couldn't help but wonder if it was just a coincidence, or if all of this was connected somehow.

Then there were the Chinese. Could the assault on Tara been retaliation for the Sons and Marks assassinating the Chinese to seal the deal with the Irish? Anything was possible, but there were no signs left behind that they'd done it. And without any physical proof, he agreed to the sit-down with Nero, Alvarez and the Chinese. It was an unavoidable necessity to keep the peace, at least for now.

_Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer!_

He'd be lying if he said that worrying about Club business wasn't a welcoming distraction at times. He simply had to admit that as much as he wanted to focus on finding Tara's attacker and figuring out what to do with their boys, he felt that for the time being his hands were tied behind his back.

He knew Tara wanted the boys out of the life, but he simply couldn't leave her behind in Charming.

Jax knew the moment he'd left Tara's bedside today, he'd have to make a decision. Would he go see the boys and bring them home with him, or would he stay away from them until he knew who was behind her attack. _It was either all or nothing!_

But now as he pulled Tara's Ford into the driveway of his house with the boys in the backseat, a feeling of doubt began to overwhelm him. _Was Gemma right? _

She was glad that he'd come to see them, but feared it was too soon for them to return back to _that_ house?

_"Mom!" He'd stopped her mid speech. "This isn't up for discussion. I am taking my sons home!"_

But now he suddenly doubted his own decision again. Had he made the right choice to bring the boys home with him tonight?

Jax shut the car off, glanced into the rearview mirror and found Abel's eyes connecting with his. He could've sworn the kid had fallen asleep on the short drive home, but now he seemed wide awake.

Jax carried Thomas in his car seat to the front door as Abel ran up rather impatiently ahead of him. The little guy was smiling and seemed excited, and it broke Jax's heart when he realized that Abel was hoping to find his mother inside. _Maybe Gemma was right!_

After unlocking the front door, Abel rushed inside the still dark house, his small voice yelling 'mommy' in search for Tara and Jax hurriedly stepped in after him, turning the lights on as he followed Abel along. Abel came to a stop in his parents' bedroom and turned around to his father just as Jax stopped in the door and flipped the light switch on, the room illuminated around them.

Jax put the car seat with a sleeping Thomas down on the floor, dropped the bag he'd slung over his shoulder onto the ground as well, before he turned his full attention to Abel. He knelt down in front of him, his hand running through the boy's short blond hair before it stilled on his tiny shoulder. "She's still in the hospital, buddy. She's still sick. Remember?"

Abel nodded in understanding, but Jax could see the sadness on his face and the tears that began to form in his eyes before he pulled his son into a tight embrace.

This moment, with Abel crying for his mom in his arms, was the reason why he'd contemplated not seeing the boys until he'd sorted everything out. He wasn't sure what to say to him, not sure what to do. He knew he was being vague and tiptoed around the subject of their mother, because as much as Jax refused to give up on Tara, as much as he'd rip anyone to shreds if they dared saying she might not pull through, he couldn't muster the courage to promise Abel that she'd be alright. Because what if she wasn't?

So now here was the next question on Jax's mind. Would it be worse to keep the boys from ever seeing her lying in that hospital bed unconscious? Or would he do more damage if he'd bring them in to see her?

Jax didn't know the answer and he feared having to make that choice for them as well.

As he thought about all those things, he wanted to cry along with Abel for the unfairness of it all. If anyone should've been hurt like that it should've been him, the leader of the club, the president ... not her, not the mother of his children. _Not Tara!_

X

It felt odd to Jax, yet also strangely comforting to get the boys ready for bed without the help of Gemma or anyone else. Taking care of them was one more thing that temporarily took his mind off of his wife, at least up until the moment when Abel would point out his mistakes to him.

_"Mommy doesn't do it like that!"_ Those innocent words coming from Abel's mouth managed to stop Jax dead in his tracks and he found himself staring back at his son in the bathtub.

After a moment, he managed to utter a reply, "Well, how does mommy do it, little man?" And held the washcloths out to him.

Abel reached for it and smiled with confidence in his eyes, he knew their bath time routine. "Here, daddy, I show you."

X

He'd changed Thomas' diaper and clothes, and was now feeding him his bottle, while Abel sat on the couch beside them, freshly bathed and dressed in his pajamas. And in this moment, the little guy seemed almost happy while he was watching cartoons alongside his father and little brother.

Just then the doorbell rang and startled Jax out of his short moment of contentment between him and his sons. Abel looked up at him, but didn't move from his spot on the couch when Jax got up to answer the door. He looked down at his other son in his arms and decided to sit Thomas down, much to the baby's displeasing.

Jax stepped up to the front door, and looked through the peephole. Surprised, he reached for the doorknob and opened the door for Ally Lowen.

"Hi." She said, and by the look on her face, he could see that the female lawyer was still somewhat hesitant towards him. But despite her fear, she was here, at his house in the dark of night, and that had to mean something.

"Hi." Jax replied perplexed, before he gathered his wits and stepped aside, gesturing for her to come in.

She slipped passed him, but stopped short in the hallway when she saw the boys sitting in the living room, "I'm sorry, I probably should've called." She began to apologize.

Jax closed the door behind him, and shook his head, "No, it's fine. I was just feeding Thomas his last bottle for the night, then they're both off to bed." He said as he ushered her into the living room and picked up Thomas again, who had begun to cry out loud.

"Oh. Okay." Ally replied as she looked around for a place to sit.

While cradling Thomas in one arm, trying to get him to stop crying again, Jax took the brown throw-blanket and blue pillow from the arm chair and tossed it into the baby's playpen, before he gestured with his free hand for her to sit. Jax returned to his seat on the couch and began to feed Thomas what little was left in his bottle.

Ally glanced at Abel, whose eyes were glued to the TV, and a small smile crossed her lips when she saw how hard the little boy was trying to stay awake. But she quickly focused her attention back on Jax. The criminal with his son in his arms ... something she'd never quite pictured before.

"So ..." Jax wondered out loud, as his eyes connected with hers across the small room, "What brings you here this late?"

Ally leaned back in her chair and sat her briefcase down on the floor beside her. "Maybe ... maybe we should wait until the boys are in bed."

He eyed her warily and raised his eyebrows when he nodded in agreement. "Yeah. Maybe we should." But instantaneously his curiosity was peeked.

_What was she willing to share with him now that she hadn't mentioned earlier at the hospital?_

X

Jax emerged from the baby's bedroom and found Ally standing near the fireplace, looking at the pictures of the boys on the mantle. She turned towards him when he stepped into the room, but remained quiet.

"Sorry. Didn't think it'd take that long." He mumbled an apology. "It's their first night back since ..." He paused and she nodded in understanding.

He gestured towards the kitchen, "Do you want a drink? Some water? Coffee? ... I was gonna make me some tea." _What he really needed was a whiskey! A double!_

"Uhm, yes, a tea would be ... nice."

She followed Jax into the kitchen, bringing her briefcase along before placing it on the dining room table.

Jax filled the teakettle, placed it on the stove and turned the knob to high, before he turned around noting her standing there awkwardly, with her arms crossed while her eyes scanned the kitchen for any left behind evidence.

There was none to be found, Gemma or whoever had cleaned the place up, after CSI had left, had done a hell of a job. The kitchen sparkled in a way it hadn't in years, in fact the whole house smelled like a mixture of bleach and lemon, and there was not a trace left of the horrible crime that had occurred here less than two weeks ago.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded towards the sink, "That's where I found her. On the ground."

Ally looked to the floor by the sink before she met his eyes, but she didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say.

"I thought she was dead. I thought I'd lost her." He confessed and turned away reaching for two cups inside the cupboard, just long enough to keep his tears at bay and his emotions back under control.

He dropped a bag of tea in each cup before he suddenly turned back around and faced her.

"Why are you here?" He finally blurted out, clearly having lost his patience of doing this awkward dance with her.

She looked back at the dinner table behind her, "Maybe we should sit."

Jax leaned back against the kitchen counter and closed his eyes as he took in a deep breath. He shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. From the moment he'd left the hospital, he'd bottled up his emotions for the sake of everyone around him, - his brothers, his sons, his mother - ... his enemies. But it was late and he couldn't keep his frustration at bay any longer. He thought being released this morning would speed things along, that he would find something his brothers couldn't! But he had gotten nowhere, absolutely nowhere today. Ten days and not a good damn clue about who'd done it.

So now, standing here with Lowen in his kitchen, in _the_ kitchen, he simply couldn't handle all the small talk any longer. "Maybe we just cut through all the bullshit and you just tell me why you're here?"

The words sounding much harsher than he'd intended them to be, and he feared momentarily that she'd take flight, but to his surprise she didn't.

Instead she turned her back to him, stepped over to her briefcase, opened it and retrieved several stacks of papers, before she turned and held them out for him to take.

Still visibly irritated, Jax stepped up beside her and took them, glancing at pages that were filled with Tara's handwriting.

"What is this?" He looked up at Ally, before his eyes went back to Tara's words in front of him.

The kettle whistled on the stove and when Jax didn't make a move, Ally stepped over to the stove instead. In that moment, she realized just how odd her relationship with the Teller family had become. Her being here, consulting him, presenting Jax with photocopies of Tara's notes ... she knew damn well that it was unethical, and that it could possibly cost her her license, but she also knew that Jax needed to see this to understand what she was about to tell him next.

Without taken his eyes off of the paper, Jax pulled out a chair and sat. Ally brought both cups of steaming tea over to the table and sat beside him. She hesitated as she watched his eyes scan the first page, and then the second, but finally decided to explain. "Tara wrote down things that had happened. Things that had put her in danger, put her children in danger. Recalling moments where she'd feared for her life, and for her family."

Jax exhaled the breath he'd been holding and dropped the stack of papers on the table. Page two and he'd already seen enough.

He hid his face in both his hands for a long moment, before he looked back up at the woman sitting beside him and simply shook his head. He didn't know what to say. He remembered everything that had ever happened to them, to her, yet to see it written out like that. In Tara's own words, page after page after page, her describing how terrified she was ... it made him sick to his stomach.

"When ... when did she write this?" He wondered out loud as he searched Ally's face for an answer.

"At County, when she was locked up." Ally replied.

"Why?" Came the question Ally had dreaded, but at the same time it was also the main reason why she'd pushed her fears aside and decided to show up here tonight.

Ally cleared her throat, and took a deep breath before she answered him, "All Tara cared about was getting her boys away from this life. She was worried that, should she be convicted and sent to prison, that Gemma would be the boys' primary caregiver even if you remained free. She tried to ... she wanted Wendy to be the legal guardian, to take the kids and leave Charming, but since you wouldn't sign off on that, she saw no other choice than to file for divorce, Jax."

Jax balled his hands into fists at the memory of it all. His face displaying the turmoil he was feeling inside, but he didn't say anything as he stared off into the distance as if lost in his own thoughts.

"She didn't want to ... but divorcing you, and providing proof of a history of violence, with this." She pointed a manicured finger at the pages in front of him. "It was her only chance, the only way of getting Wendy granted guardianship against yours and Gemma's will."

Jax sighed out loud, before he finally looked up to meet her eyes, "I didn't think we'd need it." He shook his head. "I didn't realize how scared she was. I didn't know ..." he tried to excuse his actions but couldn't find the words to justify them. In hindsight he knew he should've just signed the damn papers back then. Even if he'd truly believed that she'd walk free, he should've signed them just to ease her troubled mind ... but he hadn't.

A moment of silence passed between them, before Jax finally spoke up. Surprising her with his honest confession, "I'm with my back against the wall here."

He shook his head, his eyes displaying the sorrow he felt inside. "I took my boys home with me tonight, because I wanted them to know that they're not alone. That their father still loves them, and I guess part of me did it, because I know that Tara doesn't want Gemma to raise them. But what do I do?" He voiced the question towards her, but she knew he was not really expecting an answer.

"Besides my obligations towards the club ... their mother is in a coma, I can't just pack up and leave even if I wanted to. And Wendy ... I know Wendy was her choice, but she just fucking relapsed for the hundredth time. My mother just shipped her ass off to rehab _again_." He lowered his head in defeat, he was at a loss.

Ally nodded her agreement, she'd heard about Wendy's relapse from Margaret. But that's why she was here, to answer Jax's question from earlier today, about that Tara would want him to do.

She reached across the table and surprised Jax when she touched his hand to gain his attention once more. "There's a military post about an hour west from here."

Jax looked back at her with confusion written all over his unshaven face, yet he replied knowledgeable, "Yeah, Travis Air Force Base, right?"

"Yes, that's the one." But before Jax could question what that had to do with his current dilemma, Ally went on to elaborate, "There's single airmen and women with children who are send off to war, sometimes as long as fifteen months. It isn't cheap, but there's family's who will take those kids in while the soldiers are deployed."

"Like Foster care?" Jax realized where she was going with this. "After everything they've been through, I can't just pawn them off to some strangers."

Ally shook her head, "It's not like that. It's not foster care. They take great care of them and provide for them in a loving home. And your situation is unique, because they'd just be an hour away. If you wanted to, you could go see them several times a week, spend every weekend with them. But they'd be safe, away from Charming, the club and Gemma!"

He contemplated everything she'd said. "I appreciate it, but I'm gonna have to think about this for a little while." He answered truthfully.

And she nodded her head in understanding, "Of course."

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End Note: Still struggling to get the characters down pat, but I'm trying folks. Lowen's character might seem a bit OOC, but please let me explain her motivation behind her actions in this chapter. I always felt like she cared for Tara on more than just a client basis, maybe because she could identify more with a successful doctor than any of the other criminals she'd defended in the past. So since Jax reached out to her for help, she decided to take the opportunity to help get those babies out of charming alive.

Please leave a review if you liked it and care to read more. I really appreciate it. Thank you. xoxo


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